The Slap

Watching the events unfold in the wake of the slap heard around the world triggered me in a way I didn’t see coming. I’m a sexual molestation survivor who also endured malicious teasing about my complexion both outside and inside my home. 

I didn’t have an advocate or a champion to stand in the gap for me. So, when Will Smith slapped the taste out of Chris Rock’s mouth, that little girl, that wounded part of my soul saw the champion she didn’t have – that she longed for even as an adult. Someone who, regardless of the moment or resulting circumstances, would stand firm and tell the perpetrators to keep my name out of their mouths. 

That fire and “rawness” in my personality are my armor. The sensitive, empathetic, compassionate and kind person I am is genuinely me and my effort to be to others what I didn’t have. No matter how well-intentioned the admonishments of that man’s actions are, all my wounded soul hears is “you’re not worthy of protection” – no matter how irrational that my sound to those who haven’t shared my lived experiences. I have fought so hard to become who I am and was reminded that I have a lot more work to do. That wounded little girl inside needed to know and see that there are those who will protect their family and loved ones “by any means necessary”. I continue to meditate on my continued growth and healing as I work through these things.

My personal history has played a huge role in how I processed what I saw and I can admit that the lens in which I viewed and interpreted this incident still renders me taciturn in condemning it. As I move farther and farther away from my heightened emotional state in that moment, more things have come into a clearer view surrounding it.

Misogyny – Some Black men need to admit that they hold an unhealthy level of disdain for Jada Pinkett-Smith and this is why do not extend grace nor compassion for her struggles with alopecia. Y’all haven’t forgiven her, as if it’s your place to do so anyway, for her entanglement with August Alsina during a time when she and WS both admitted that they were separated. I’ve read too many posts and comments where Black men, and women, have repeatedly brought this up in their attempt to place blame on her and to dismiss and disregard a very real emotional fallout from an autoimmune disease. Which leads me to the fact that Black Women must be damn near pious to be seen as deserving of protection and respect and that is shameful. Black women are TIRED. Tired of being everyone’s champion, cheerleader, caretaker, savior, and activist while not having those efforts reciprocated with the same passion or fervor. 

WE. IZ. TIED. BAWSE. 

“The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black woman.”—Malcolm X

It's a JOKE – We don’t get to define what is funny to another. So let me start by apologizing to my LBGQT+ friends who took me finding Chappelle’s comedy special funny while summarily dismissing “why” they didn’t find his schtick humorous at all. Mea Culpa. 

As an English major and creative writer, I fully understand that words have power and jokes at the expense of another’s medical condition are never funny. The word, whether written or orated can move one to action, tears, or change; it can stir you in the depths of your soul; it can open your eyes to a new way of thinking; it can paint a perfect picture (Picture perfect, I paint a perfect picture) and allow your mind’s eye to picture yourself in the scenario. Words matter, they have power. The power of life and death is in the tongue. Proverbs 18:21 (This one is for the Christians.) This is why we teach children that it is wrong to tease or say mean things to one another, or at least, we should. And here’s the rub, YOU UNDERSTAND THIS TOO, you just don’t give a damn because it doesn’t affect YOU. 

Despite what a few have claimed, it HAS NOT been confirmed if Chris knew of Jada’s condition or not but if he did know, then I say he was deliberate in targeting her. If not, still cringeworthy for those who did know. So, when is a joke just a joke? Can we joke about parents who lose their children to violence? Sandy Hook or the random parent who remembers their child on the anniversary of their death? Is everything on the table or should we expect a level of human decency from each other and that includes comedians? +

But it’s just a joke. Right?

Respectability Politics & The White Gaze – Too many Black people are deeply vested in white people’s opinions of us and are desperately vying for “acceptance” or at the very least are desperate in proving “not all of us” - worried about perpetuating racists stereotypes while believing them at the same time. 

What Will did isn’t a bad reflection of the entire race just like Chris allowing white comedians to say the n-word in his presence does not makes it acceptable to all Black people. In my opinion, the latter is equally as disrespectful, if not more.

You can’t claim Will’s actions set us back when at the same time failing to admonish Chris for going after a Black woman in the same forum with a joke that wasn’t written on the teleprompter – he went off script. 

You are the same Black people who bemoan the way young men and women dress in public and promote the idea that a suit & tie protects you from racism and bigotry when there is more than enough evidence that this is not the case. We are not more prone to criminality or any of the other social ills for which we are told repeatedly are unique to us as a race. 

Black people are not a monolith. 

What you eat won’t make me shit. 

I am no longer carrying the weight of an entire race on my shoulders and it will be a glad day when all Black people do the same.